Not My Fault!

by Tanner (I am innocent until proven guilty!)

Mommy said I was a bad, bad kitty—but it wasn't my fault. If she wants the living room to be a cat-free zone, she should hang a sign on the door that says, "No cats allowed!" I didn't see a sign. And I looked.

And she should tie the doorknobs with a better knot. It isn't hard to untie that knot.

But you can't prove I'm the one who untied it.

But if someone did untie it, it isn't difficult to pry open the door.

It's pretty easy to get a paw between the doors . . .

. . . or a nose. Once you get something between the doors, opening them is pretty easy. Not that I would do such a thing!

And if I did happen to go into the living room, and I did happen to see the Norfolk Island pine, and I did happen to move the rocks that Mommy has put around it so I won't sling dirt like she caught me doing once before, and I did happen to move those rocks and sling that dirt onto the white carpet—well, you have no proof that it was me!

True, it looks like the sort of thing I've done before . . . 

. . . but you can't prove I did it this time. I didn't have any witnesses. Uh, there were no witnesses.

The fact that I came running out of the living room when Mommy yelled my name is purely coincidental. Maybe Dylan did it, and made it look like my work. Dylan is sneaky. Or maybe Jim-Bob did it. Jim-Bob is always trying to get me in trouble.

All Mommy has is circumstantial evidence. I am innocent until proven guilty.

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