Bad Book Promotion Idea

The other night I received an e-mail touting a 2007 book published by the same vanity publisher I’ve used for my collection of redneck humor columns and my collections of down-home stories.

Here’s part of it, with particular details redacted:

Greetings,

I had a [major medical problem involving a transplant] on [date was two decades ago]. I had none of the risk factors for [this major medical problem]. My family doctor said, “It should not have happened.” I was 44 years old.

The next two years were a whirlwind of life-threatening events that accelerated in an exponential matter. My family and I endured these near cataclysmic series of happenings: [here follows a list of nine bad things].

My book, [title redacted],tells the amazing story of my recovery from [this major medical problem].

Please share my [insert name of organ] story with your co-workers, family, and friends.

There follows a list of testimonials from doctors, nurses, and a preacher. Plus a link to the Amazon page where the book is for sale.

Now, nowhere on this email was my name actually used—not even in the “sent to” line. Could I be the recipient of e-mail spam? Ya think?

I figured I’d give the sender the benefit of a doubt. Maybe I’d met this author before, but I surely couldn’t figure out where. My interest was piqued. I replied:

I'm puzzled why I received this e-mail. Have we met? If so, I can't seem to place you.

If you wanted me to review this book on my blog, I'm sorry, but I only review fiction—preferably regional or Appalachian fiction.

Actually, that last part’s not quite true. I will review selected non-fiction that has a strong link to my geographical area, like this one.

The following day, the sender of the e-mail replied back:

I read somewhere that you are an author. I thought you might be interested in my [medical procedure] story.

I’m having a little problem following the reasoning. Because I am an author (more like a wanna-be author), I’ll be interested in any book? Uh, no. I’m a hearty eater, too, but ain’t no way I’m gonna eat sushi (it’s bait as far as I’m concerned).

Obviously the author of the book in question wasn’t at all familiar with me—a former redneck humor columnist, freelancer, short story writer, self-published novelist, blogger, and aspiring children’s author—or my work. Did he perhaps send out an e-mail blast to thousands in hopes that he might get a few readers?

If so, it didn’t work for me. I only buy self-pubbed or vanity POD books from people I've actually met and whose work I'm familiar with—maybe people who've done readings I've attended or whose blogs I've read and liked. I've never bought a book because it was advertised in an e-mail.

Note to authors who e-mail blast me: Using a phrase like “a whirlwind of life-threatening events that accelerated in an exponential matter” isn’t going to get me interested in your book. Don't use “near cataclysmic” either.

Note to authors who’d like me to review their books on this blog: Query me first (include a URL to your blog or website) before you send me a complimentary hard copy of your book (I don’t do pdfs or docs). If your book is connected to the Appalachian region—or even the South, I might be interested.

But not if it involves whirlwinds or cataclysms. I have to draw the line somewhere.

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Book-Spammed

or, How Not to Shill Your Book to Me

This morning I got an e-mail from someone I don't even know. He, no doubt, got my e-mail address from the list of members of AWA, an organization I've belonged to in the past.

He wants me to buy his book. I know nothing about him or his book. All I know is that he's spamming a bunch of folks in the vain hope that we'll buy his new book. Here's what he sent (with details omitted) with my annotations:

Ah, the event approaches—on July 26th copies of my short story collection titled [INSERT TITLE HERE] will be available. You should be able to order it then (or shortly thereafter) from Amazon or get it from the other usual places, at the cost of $14.95.

Should be able?Usual places? Like where? If you don't know for sure if—or where—it will be available, don't announce it! And please don't announce it to total strangers.

But in the business it is typical for the author to have some copies, and I will, and so can offer a SPECIAL DEAL to relatives, friends, AWA folks, and friends of friends. (So, yes, it would be lovely for you to forward this to a few—or few hundred—of your closet friends. The more the merrier!)

I'm not going to spam my friends with info about a book I know nothing about. Somehow no famous authors "in the business" have ever offered me a SPECIAL DEAL, although some have offered me complimentary copies for review purposes. If you want me to tell the world about your book, you need to be someone I actually know and whose book I've actually read. Or else, you can send me a quote from your Publisher's Weekly Review, Library Journal Review, New York Times Review, etc. (The legit reviews—no reviews from the scammers who charge for reviews, please, just in case you're thinking of shelling out $20 or $50 or so for one of their pseudo-reviews)

Here’s the special – $12 instead of the retail $14.95, and autographed as well (if you want an inscription, let me know what it should say), and—heck—I’ll even toss in domestic shipping for $1 more.

All it takes is a check for $12 and whether you want it autographed. If mailed, I’ll need a mailing address and then the check would be for $13. Checks payable to [THIS GUY'S NAME].

And, just in case you might wonder how ‘safe’ it is order or recommend the books to friends, heck, take a look at the comments below [I OMITTED MOST OF THEM] that will be on the back cover. Fred Chappell in particular is a great name in southern fiction, and he and I have not even met—so his comments were especially heartwarming.

Fred Chappell is indeed a great name in southern fiction. I met him several years ago at a conference. I wonder if he knows his name is being bandied about in e-mail spam. That he gave you a cover quote is no indication of how "safe it is."

Buy a book. Tell friends. I’ll start shipping on July 26th and will bring some copies to the office on the 27th.

I have no clue where this guy's office is. (I hope his co-workers are forewarned and his boss approves.) His book might be great, but if he can't even target his e-mails to the right folks, I don't think I want to read his writing. And this blog is the way I tell friends.

The best email for reply (and orders!) is [***] (and the website is [***] should folks like to see some of the publication credits)

I took a look at the one-page crowded website and saw a list of credits. It would have been nice to see an excerpt from the book. Maybe the cover. Maybe a few legit reviews. Something. . . .

And the best mail address is [a place in Missouri]

Thanks

He only gave the one mail address, so I don't know what the worst one was. I Googled the name of his small Missouri publisher to see what this press does, but couldn't find its website. Not a good sign.

Part of Fred Chappell's quote, though, "There are darknesses abounding -- spousal abuse, alcohol disasters, searing and destructive memories of war. . . " sounds like too much misery for me. Maybe I'm missing a great read, but the way to sell me a book is not via e-mail spam.

July 19 Update: The person who sent the e-mail has contacted me. He's sending me an advanced reader copy for review.

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