Sleep Advice

I was intrigued by a letter to the "Annie's Mailbox" column today. It seems a lady in her 50s is having trouble getting a good night's sleep. She has arthritis, a husband who listens to his iPod, and a cat who scratches on the mattress so she'll get up and feed him. Here's part of her letter:

My husband is up until the wee hours. If by some miracle I have fallen asleep, he wakes me up fiddling with his iPod. Then my cat wakes me by scratching the mattress for an early morning feeding.


The "Annie's Mailbox" gals suggest this:

Keep the bedroom door closed so the cat cannot get in. Explain to your husband that you need him to be sensitive to your sleep problems.


Now, as someone who used to write an advice column* and has a both a gang of cats and a husband with an iPad (actually my iPad!), several scanners, and a couple of ham radios, I also think this woman—with only one cat and a husband with only one electronic device—doesn't have much of a problem. I can also tell the advice the gals gave her so ain't gonna work.

Chloe, Foxy, Eddie-Puss, Camilla, Jim-Bob

Closing the door on the cat only means that the cat will find other ways to make his needs known. Dylan, our senior male cat, has mastered the knack of rattling doors while yowling. Once he broke the latch on the storm door by hurling himself at it when he wanted out. I'm pretty sure if I closed Dylan out, he'd have the door off the hinges in no time. If I ignore his yowls and rattles, he pees on whatever strikes his fancy—the sliding glass door, the computer screen, etc.

Dylan

Jim-Bob walks up my body and sits on my shoulder to get my attention, Eddie-puss purrs loudly, Camilla bites, etc. Plus, Chloe and Jim-Bob are both screamers if they don't get their way.

Chloe & Jim-Bob

For the cat problem, I suggest the lady invest in a couple of automatic cat feeders or at least fill a couple of dishes with dry food before she goes to bed. Otherwise she needs to realize that the cat calls the shots, and she can take an afternoon nap if she needs more sleep.

If the husband is in his 50s, he's beyond the age of trainability and sensitivity. The lady needs to explain that if he wants to enjoy his iPod, he needs to do it in a separate room—preferably at the opposite end of the house and while wearing earphones. Otherwise the iPod might disappear mysteriously or suffer damage (she can blame it on the cat).

If the husband takes naps during the day, she should run the vacuum whenever he naps. Maybe then he'll decide to go to sleep at a decent hour.

~

*I used to write an advice column—well, sort of. You can find the last year's worth of columns on my Peevish Advice blog. My first couple years worth of columns are in this book, and a few more years' worth of columns are in this one. These books make great Christmas presents for people you can't stand but are obligated to give a gift to.