A Tale of Toe Sissy
Warning: not for the squeamish. Blow-by-blow medical procedure to follow:
This morning I had part of my big toenail removed. The main thing I have to say about the experience is this:
#!*^#!!*!*!@+*!*!
and maybe *#%!*!!
What I learned today: having an ingrown toenail fixed isn’t fun.
The shot that was supposed to numb my toe didn’t. I’ve always had problems with Novocain working in reverse—that’s why I hated going to the dentist when I was a kid. Consequently, the doctor used something else. Whatever it was didn’t work well either and left me with an incredibly itchy foot for the rest of the day.
But back to the action. To give me moral support, my husband stayed with me during the procedure. While I kept my eyes averted during the actual hacking off of a part of my toenail, my husband kept his arm around me and provided play-by-play commentary, interrupted by my occasional scream. My toe WASN’T very numb.
I should have been issued a bullet to bite. Or maybe a stick. Lacking either, I bit my husband’s shoulder. Well, only once. Mostly I dug my fingers into his back.
I was sorry that he’d shaved his beard for the summer. I’d have gotten some satisfaction from pulling it during the worst moments.
Fortunately for both of us, the procedure didn’t take long. Afterwards, I couldn’t get my orthotically-enhanced shoe on and had to limp down a long hallway, my foot clad in a sock and a thin blue bootie. Now the heel spur hurts again. When I go to physical therapy tomorrow for the heel, I have a feeling the toe-bending-back part is going to hurt more than usual. A vicious cycle.
I spent most of today in bed. From experience I’ve learned that pain is easier to bear if you can sleep through it.
Something I’ve learned today: If you’re going to bite the shoulder of someone whose laundry you do, don’t wear lipstick.
I realize this post doesn't deal with my usual themes of "writing, rural living and sometimes a border collie," but I needed to vent.
Ahhhhhh, that feels better.
This morning I had part of my big toenail removed. The main thing I have to say about the experience is this:
#!*^#!!*!*!@+*!*!
and maybe *#%!*!!
What I learned today: having an ingrown toenail fixed isn’t fun.
The shot that was supposed to numb my toe didn’t. I’ve always had problems with Novocain working in reverse—that’s why I hated going to the dentist when I was a kid. Consequently, the doctor used something else. Whatever it was didn’t work well either and left me with an incredibly itchy foot for the rest of the day.
But back to the action. To give me moral support, my husband stayed with me during the procedure. While I kept my eyes averted during the actual hacking off of a part of my toenail, my husband kept his arm around me and provided play-by-play commentary, interrupted by my occasional scream. My toe WASN’T very numb.
I should have been issued a bullet to bite. Or maybe a stick. Lacking either, I bit my husband’s shoulder. Well, only once. Mostly I dug my fingers into his back.
I was sorry that he’d shaved his beard for the summer. I’d have gotten some satisfaction from pulling it during the worst moments.
Fortunately for both of us, the procedure didn’t take long. Afterwards, I couldn’t get my orthotically-enhanced shoe on and had to limp down a long hallway, my foot clad in a sock and a thin blue bootie. Now the heel spur hurts again. When I go to physical therapy tomorrow for the heel, I have a feeling the toe-bending-back part is going to hurt more than usual. A vicious cycle.
I spent most of today in bed. From experience I’ve learned that pain is easier to bear if you can sleep through it.
Something I’ve learned today: If you’re going to bite the shoulder of someone whose laundry you do, don’t wear lipstick.
I realize this post doesn't deal with my usual themes of "writing, rural living and sometimes a border collie," but I needed to vent.
Ahhhhhh, that feels better.
posted by Becky Mushko | 7:35 PM
3 Comments:
Ouch! I will have an extra beer in your honor tonight....medicinal purposes only.
ARGHHH! As a constant sufferer with ingrowns (my toenails curl into the flesh)I've finally (I hope) conquered them with monthly pedicures. Each time, the pain was reduced until...thank heavens!...my last 2 pedi's were pain-free.
Yes, I've previously gone to a podiatrist who charged me $$$, wanted to remove the toenail entirely, and didn't even polish my toenails or give me a foot massage. Go figure. I get all that service at the Nail Salon (near Kroger's)for about $30.
I am not saying this would be your solution, Becky, as your ordeal sounds awful. But pedicures are a wonderful luxury that perhaps, down the road, may resolve the ingrowns. WAAAY down the road.
Yikes. I hope all is better now! Poor toe.
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