Grammar Gripe: Lie or Lay?

Warning: Educational content follows. If you were expecting a post about Japanese beetles gone wild, a border collie demonstrating she's smarter than your honor student, or how I finally got my husband to start bush-hogging my trails so the weeds are no longer chest high, you might want to skip this post.

At least five times in the last week, I’ve seen errors involving forms of the verbs lie/lay. The English teacher* in me has had enough. I'm sure most of the readers of this blog never make such heinous grammatical mistakes, but I can't be too careful. Pay attention; there's a quiz half-way down this blog post.

WRONG: As I was laying on the beach, I saw a whale.
Laying what? Laying is a transitive verb. It needs an object.
CORRECT: As I was laying my beach towel on the sand, I saw a whale.

USUALLY WRONG: I’ve been laying around all day.
This sentence is correct if said by a hen. Humans, however, need to lay something:

I’ve been laying cable all day.
I’ve been laying plans to overthrow a third world country.
I’ve been laying something!

The verb lay means put or place. It’s a transitive verb. (In case you forgot what you learned in junior high, that means it requires an object.)

The forms of lay are lay (present), laid (past), laying (present participle), and laid (past participle).

Now I lay me down to sleep.
Yesterday I laid my pen on the desk.
I’m laying the bricks for the new patio.
I have laid my pen on the desk every day this week.

The verb lie means rest or recline. It’s intransive (no object).

I lie on the sofa.
Yesterday I lay in the tall grass.
Now I’m lying here scratching my tick and chigger bites.
I’ve lain here for hours.

Think you understand? OK, take this quiz:
http://www.english-zone.com/verbs/lie-lay1.html

If you didn’t do well, read the info on the following sites:

This one is succinct:
http://wsu.edu/~brians/errors/lay.html

But “You’ll lay an egg if you don’t lie down” is more fun:
http://web.ku.edu/~edit/lie.html

Lay or Lie? gives easy-to-understand explanations and good examples:
http://englishplus.com/grammar/00000233.htm

Here’s another that makes the difference perfectly clear (Gotta love that graphic at the bottom!):
http://www.newsroom101.com/laylie/

If you’re not confused enough, let me throw in another verb: Lie (to tell a falsehood) has as its forms lie, lied, lying, and lied. You probably don’t have trouble with this one, though.

*I taught English at high school, junior high, and middle school levels for twenty-eight years. I taught college grammar and comp for seven years. I’m a trained professional.