Evil Cats

by Maggie Mae Mushko
(a year-old border collie)

Since Halloween is almost nigh, a black cat entry seems appropriate.

Cats are evil. Especially black cats who live in the house. Especially black house cats named Dylan and Eddie-Puss. That’s Dylan on top of the eMac. He’s always trying to take over. Plus he pees in my crate when he thinks no one is looking. He torments me when Mommy isn’t around. Then he runs to Daddy. He’s Daddy’s cat, even though Mommy bought him.

I don’t understand why Mommy actually paid money to buy Dylan, but I have it on good authority that his price had been substantially reduced at Petland. Obviously no one else would buy Dylan, so they had to run a special to get rid of him. Dylan has a little pointy face which makes him look especially evil.

Eddie-Puss is Mommy’s cat, and he looks sort of like Dylan except he has a face like a Pekinese. Eddie-Puss loves Mommy, so naturally he is very jealous of me because I am Mommy's #1 dog. He’s been known to try to attack me when I was more or less minding my own business. (My business is anything that goes on inside the house or outside.) If I weren’t so well-mannered, I would snap him a good one just to show that evil cat who is boss in this house. But I don’t because Mommy kind of likes Eddie-Puss and I want Mommy to be happy.

I don’t see why Mommy likes Eddie-Puss, though. He is almost as evil as Dylan. He likes to sleep on the desk while Mommy is using the computer, and he plots against me.

At least she didn’t pay anything for Eddie-Puss. He was an off-road adoption like all the other cats and dogs, except for me and Dylan. (Note: I cost a lot more than Dylan—and I’m worth it!)

Camilla, the little brown cat, is OK, even though she popped me hard when I first came here as a puppy. Once I learned not to EVER poke a cat with my nose, we got along OK. She’s a working cat (unlike Dylan and Eddie-Puss who are basically lazy moochers). Sometimes Camilla and I walk around outside together. It is her job to guard near the house so mice don’t get in. She is very good at what she does. I respect her because she works for her keep (unlike a couple of lazy mooching evil house-cats I know)—but still, she’s a cat, and everyone knows cats are evil.

Well, I say they are. Would a border collie lie?