Peevish Pen

Ruminations on reading, writing, genealogy and family history, rural living, retirement, aging—and sometimes cats.

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Location: Rural Virginia, United States

I'm an elderly retired teacher who writes. Among my books are Ferradiddledumday (Appalachian version of the Rumpelstiltskin story), Stuck (middle grade paranormal novel), Patches on the Same Quilt (novel set in Franklin County, VA), Them That Go (an Appalachian novel), Miracle of the Concrete Jesus & Other Stories, and several Kindle ebooks.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

I first met Chuck Sambuchino on July 5, 2008. Editor of the Guide to Literary Agents books, he was guest speaker for a special meeting of Lake Writers. I blogged about the meeting here; he blogged about it here on his Guide to Literary Agents blog.

He seemed so normal. I'd never have guessed that he would write a book that was so, well, weird. And funny. Really funny.

Garden gnomes are not among my current objects de yard arte. But if they were, Chuck Sambuchino's tongue-in-cheek how-to book, How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will), might make me a little worried.

The book is written so straightforward that it seems believeable. And helpful. And—well, words fail me. But the book is a hoot that appeals to my dry sense of humor. Check out some of the illustrations:

The gnomes pictured above are so adorable, aren't they? Who could image that they might lurk in your bathroom, hide in your hall, or invade your bedroom with the intent to kill you. Sambuchino imagines these scenarios, that's who. He divides his book into handy sections—Assess, Protect, Defend, and Apply—to help the reader stay focused on the steps that need to be taken to avert a gnome attack.

You can read some excerpts from the book at Scribd. There's an author interview with him at and an AOL story that's classified as weird news. (Gee, I wonder why?)

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will) is perfect to display on a coffee table. Think of the fun you'll have when your guests notice it. Will they look around to see if diminutive creatures are sneaking up on them? Will they look at you as if you're totally nuts. At any rate, fun will ensue.

The book would also make a great gift for a gardening enthusiast—especially if the gardener already has some garden gnomes. Or bundle the book with a garden gnome and let the recipient really wonder about you.

Here's the How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will) book trailer:

Thanks to this book, I'll henceforth check my mailbox before sticking my hand in (Oh, wait! I already do that!), keep a weapon in every room (I live in rural America where I think this required—but I don't have a hockey stick among the arsenal), and practice rising from the bed in attack mode (Difficult to do when I'm surrounded by cats, but I'll give it a shot.).

Anyhow, if you're looking for a laugh, I recommend this book.

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Blogger Sweet Virginia Breeze said...

Sounds like a thoroughly delightful book! I love the idea of giving it as a gift along with a gnome.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How hilarious! Such a great sense of humor he has. I may have to buy this one just to tee off my hubby who HATES gnomes... HA!

7:51 PM  

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